perplexing :(

really contemplating of what im doing now ..

what am i good at ? spending money ? being lazy ?
im out of my control now , my mind keep thinking useless things
everything that is bad .. everything .
i dont know .
im too afraid that im not doing good , a hatred feeling of always being compared is one of my biggest fear .

im fear of opinion , fear of every opinions that actually is good for me ,
a stubborn character that is always occur whenever i know im not doing well ,
a feeling that always want to win , dont want to hear what others are thinking .
always thinking that im the one who is right , though actually im not .
im truly confessing my real character here .

im just envying those who are able to do everything , and jealousy is one of my tons of PROBLEMS !

im fear that i cant be succesful one day ,
it's just not enough !
sometimes i hate myself , i keep saying things, but i never work it out .

does anyone feel the same as me ? i dont knoww !! this feeling is just too bad .
im out of idea now , what can i do ?

they always do well , they can make their parents proud of them . ME ?!
what can i do ?
they're always good . many ppl love them . do care of them too . everything is just GOOD !